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    Disney-Style Narration Fails to Rouse Lazy Teenagers for School

    Grass Valley's Craig Thomas spent almost 15 minutes using flowery language and speaking in a deep and affected voice to rouse his teens.

    Guinea Pig Obtains Higher Consciousness In Pile Of Timothy Hay

    An area guinea pig has found peace and self-actualization after his 11-year-old owner Stephanie Jameson accidentally gave the creature a double amount of timothy hay earlier this week.

    Psychic Fair Organizers Fail To Predict Catering Error

    You would have thought they would have seen that coming.

    Golf Carts Now Allowed on Highway 49 Between Alta Sierra and Downieville

    The California DMV is asking drivers to exercise additional patience and courtesy during this trial period.

    Grass Valley Police Informed of Caffeinated German Tourists

    The City of Grass Valley is on high alert after a tip that hopped-up Germans might be coming to town.

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    Facebook to Allow Area Man’s ‘Merman Nipples’

    "Dusk" James Tilson of Nevada City, CA will be allowed to bare his nipples on Facebook after winning a protected battle with the social media giant.

    Nevada City Woman Has Longest Hyphenated Name in USA

    Katherine Lucy-Elizabeth Tatum-Stonehousefelder in her Nevada City, CA Office. She claims to have the longest hyphenated name in the United States.

    Area Senior Can’t Stop Computer From Printing

    Reynaldo M. Rodriguez's printer has stopped working correctly. Mr. Rodriguez prints "every god-damned email" he gets because he's afraid he'll lose it.

    COVID-Related Erectile Dysfunction Rates Skyrocket In Nevada County

    Nevada County super-spreader events have featured "intimacy activities" designed to increase "natural" herd immunity.

    North Korean Missile Debris Found in Northern California

    Local residents report seeing what appears to be debris from a North Korean Missile launch.
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    Paranormal

    Grass Valley Time Traveler Finally Unmasked: The Secret 1890 Scandal

    A shocking discovery reveals a time traveler from 2023 caught on camera in 1890 Grass Valley, California. Seth Dendy was apprehended during the annual 4th of July parade, attempting to Google how to buy railroad stocks. His bizarre tale of time travel and stock market schemes has captivated historians and conspiracy theorists alike. At the same time, Grass Valley prepares for a "Time Traveler's Festival" to celebrate their newfound fame.

    5G Tower Kills Local Man

    Local resident Joe Aguinaldo was killed by a cell tower while driving home from Nevada Club where he was nearly arrested for fighting a clown.

    Biblical Archaeologists Find Noah’s Ark in Nevada City, CA

    A recently discovered diary from the eccentric gold rush preacher Wilford E. Shank suggests that Noah's Ark maybe in Nevada City, CA.

    Jesus Spotted In Western Nevada County Clouds

    Jesus Christ appeared this past week in the clouds over Nevada County prompting some to celebrate and some to proclaim, "oh shit."

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