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Gov. DeSantis’ Drag Queen School Guard Frenzy: Florida’s Most Outrageous Solution to School Shootings Yet
In a shocking twist, Florida Governor Ron DeSantis proposes deploying drag queens to prevent school shootings. This controversial plan, dubbed "Drag Queens for School Safety," has drawn backlash from both the LGBTQ+ community and the general public.
Ted Nugent Unveils Bow and Arrow School Defense Scheme at Trump Rally
Aging rocker Ted Nugent pledged to defend schools with a bow and arrows at a recent Trump rally, inspiring the satirical film, "The Hunger Games: Old Man Yells at Bullets." Despite widespread ridicule, Nugent remains steadfast in his belief that his archery skills are the ultimate deterrent for would-be attackers.
Del Oro Theater’s Cheeky New Deal: Bare Your Derriere, See a Free Movie
Grass Valley's iconic Del Oro Theater introduces "Tushy Tuesdays," where moviegoers can gain free admission by baring their buttholes at the ticket booth. This daring deal, limited to one admission per family, promises a cheeky experience with the theater ensuring discretion and privacy through a specially-designed "Butthole Booth."
Frank Zappa’s Ghost Confesses: “I Control Reality, and I’m Just Getting Started!”
Legendary rock musician Frank Zappa has apparently taken control of our reality from beyond the grave. In a bizarre and exclusive interview with the late artist, Zappa reveals that he is responsible for the chaos in today's world, including climate change, shifting geopolitical power structures, and even the popularity of fast-food chain Chick-fil-A.
“Woke” Bank to Continue Discriminatory Mortgage Plans: Red-Lined Loans with a Smile
The Iniquitous Bank of Omaha's "Woke Mortgage Initiative" is not only a masterclass in irony but also a lightning rod for division in an already polarized political landscape. As the bank brazenly red-lines African-American neighborhoods, conservatives see an opportunity to exploit the "woke" issue, rallying white suburban and working-class voters against progressive values.
Grass Valley Homeless Man Effortlessly Weathers Banking Crisis
Discover how "Downtown Dave," a local homeless man, navigates the U.S. banking crisis with ease by investing in cardboard and tin cans, inspiring others to rethink their financial strategies.
A Grass Valley Man Who Claims ‘What Doesn’t Kill You Makes You Stronger’, Dies
Jory James of Grass Valley died last Friday in a most ironic way.
Snowstorm Havoc: Waste Management Dodges Gigantic Christmas Decor Trickery
After being flooded with phone calls, Waste Management published a press release broadcast on local radio stations
Nevada City Father of the Year Quenches Kids’ Thirst for Quality Water
Plumber dad Bjorn Andersen's unique solution to his kids' complaints about bathroom water quality leaves them thrilled! Ingeniously connecting the toilet to the sink faucet, Andersen watches with delight as his children enjoy the "new" water, blissfully unaware of its true origin.
ChatGPT Costs Man $2 Million Lottery Jackpot
A local investment banker in Grass Valley, California, Miguel Rodriguez, is being denied a payout of over $2 million by the California Lottery, after using the ChatGPT language model to help pick the winning numbers.