About the Broad Street Beacon

Effective 2020-01-01

The short version

As described below: We use your personal information as this Privacy Statement describes. No matter where you are, where you live, or what your citizenship is, we provide a high standard of privacy protection to all our users around the world, regardless of their country of origin or location.

Of course, this short version doesn’t tell you everything, so please read on for more details.

Acceptable use

  • Please use either your real name or your social media login
  • Try to Follow Thumper’s Rule (just do the best you can)
  • Don’t stalk people unless you like restraining orders
  • Be well-mannered or we’ll delete your stupid comment and ridicule your upbringing
  • Narcissists go somewhere else unless you’re self-deprecating and then, by all means, please stay
  • If you get stuck, try comedy or booze or holding your breath. Please, keep trying.
  • Inane, obscure, and/or irrelevant comments are all OK as long as you follow these rules
  • You really should be over the age of 18 to view this stuff. If not, ask your Mom for permission, especially if you are still living with her.


Notice of intent

This website is for entertainment purposes only. Please do not let your children use this site. If something in one of the stories you see here is not true, that would mean it’s fiction. You can still do that without censorship – create fiction. You may see satire and that’s okay, too. If this offends you, you may want to look at better ways to use your time than run-of-the-mill indignation. Your Chi will improve. This sentence legally follows the one preceding it.

Any campaign revenue that generates funds other than from regular The Broad Street Beacon advertising will be donated to local charities. Examples would be mock GoFundme fund-raising or donation requests for donation for mock causes. Everything else we keep to stock the booze closet.

Any persons mentioned in our copy bearing resemblance to persons living or dead is a mere coincidence and probably a creation in your overactive imagination. Remember, the Internet is not about you and your relatively insignificant life, although we understand how you might feel that way. We certainly do. Occasionally, we might use real people and call them out by name, in which case they probably deserve it. And they probably like the attention anyway. By law, you must not read the preceding paragraph.

Litigation Notice

Please do not sue us. Here’s why. The First Amendment protects parody and satire as a form of free speech and expression. The Broad Street Beacon uses invented names in all of its stories, except in cases where public figures are being satirized. Any other use of real names is accidental and coincidental. The Broad Street Beacon is not intended for readers under 18 years of age or people that don’t have a maturity level of at least 18 years of age.


Information that is gathered from visitors

In common with other websites, log files are stored on our web server saving details such as visitors’ IP addresses, browser types, referring pages and times of visit. Cookies may be used to remember visitor preferences when interacting with this website. Where registration is required, visitors’ email and usernames will be stored on the server.


How the Information is used

The information is used to enhance the visitor’s experience when using the website to display personalized content and possibly advertising from third-party providers. In California, this is prohibited without your consent. We have opted out of such programs for California Residents.

E-mail addresses or social media information will not be sold, rented or leased to 3rd parties from this website. Third-party vendors, of which we have no control over, may do such things and are required to notify you of such activity. E-mail may be sent to inform you of news of our services or offers by us.


Visitor Options

If you have subscribed to one of our services, you may unsubscribe by following the instructions which are included in e-mail that you receive. You may be able to block cookies via your browser settings but this may prevent you from access to certain features of the website.


Cookies are small digital signature files that are stored by your web browser that allow your preferences to be recorded when visiting the website. Also, they may be used to track your return visits to the website–3rd party advertising companies may also use cookies for tracking purposes. This is not unique to us, but we wanted to let you know because we’re not dicks.

Google and other Third Party Ads and Analytics

Google, as a third-party vendor, uses cookies to serve ads. Google’s use of the DART cookie enables it to serve ads to visitors based on their visit to sites they visit on the Internet. Website visitors may opt-out of the cookie by visiting the Google ad and content network privacy policy. Other ad syndication sites use similar technology. If you don’t like this, please get off the Internet, move off the grid and grow your own food.


DMCA Safe Harbor and Forward-Looking Statements

The Broad Street Beacon does its best not to infringe on copyrighted material. And it has little control over what its users might post. In the event that there is a copyright infringement, The Broad Street Beacon will consider the request, and if necessary, remove the infringed material within 48 hours.

The Broad Street Beacon cannot be responsible for the conduct of participants, either registered or malicious, on this website. In the event that questionable or illegal material is found and reported, by either its use or the site administrators, said administrators will review the content, and if necessary remove it within 48 hours.

All complaints or inquiries or mindless rants must be sent via the contact form.