Nisenan Territory, CA — Retired Cement Hill fascist Jerry Caustic always likened himself to a Renaissance Man. You might hear him offering his opinions on various topics at any given time, whether you want to hear them or not. He never apologizes for his controversial opinions, often proclaiming that’s a sign of weakness.

Mr. Caustic is Nevada County’s premiere reactionary blogger, which hosts as many as eight frequent fascist contributors in its comment stream. Not a stranger to controversial topics, he has explored the mistakes of the 19th Amendment to how “the blacks” would be a perfect fit for California’s agriculture labor shortage.

While he never uses the word fascist in his rhetoric, Caustic has often expressed enthusiasm for its tenets.

“The real threat to our Republic comes from women voting,” said Mr. Caustic in a recent blog post. “There’s nothing more dangerous to a country than an educated woman. Because, as is common knowledge, men routinely outperform women on political knowledge. That’s why we must consider allowing a strict and pure chauvinism to run things for a while. Let’s try it out and see what happens.”

Reactionaries, React

In the comment stream, Caustic replied to criticism not that his ideas were old-fashioned and fascist in tone and tenor but rather that he was giving “fuel to his enemies” that could be weaponized at the voting booth or in satirical articles.

“I get what you’re saying, Jerry. How many people who aren’t in our community live on Cement Hill? But, we need to keep these plans quiet until the time is right,” said frequent blog commenter Don Stitchnose.

“I think our community should be our community, if you get what I’m saying. There needs to be a purity test for voting too. We must ensure that emotional women are disciplined to vote correctly, which can only happen with a strong, virile man in charge.”

Mr. Caustic has also suggested that only landowners may vote and that as a means to that ends, the government should seize land to ensure that’s a reality.

“Well, we have a history of taking the land from the savages, but taking land from women and other minorities would be tricky. Besides, we have to be careful how we do this because I’m afraid of because of property values and schools and stuff like that. So it would have to be carefully planned with computer algorithms and statistical models not to stir these lessers’ emotions.”

On other occasions, as with most fascists, Caustic has expressed unintentional quasi-homoerotic desires.

“We should be grateful for a manly man like Trump. He laid bare the ineptitude, corruption, propaganda, authoritarian leanings of government, and corruption in politics. But wouldn’t we all be forced to buy tight-fitted Hugo Boss uniforms? It sure would be nice if they provided some for some of us. The good ones. It’s all in the uniform.”