Nevada County, CA — Who do I have to blow to get some decent delivery happening in this Americana tourist trap of a town?

I’m serious. I usually stick to reporting the news and keep my personal opinion between me, my bartender, my shrink and my diary, but I just don’t understand what the god damned problem is, so I put it out there to you, our fine readers. Why don’t any of the restaurants around here deliver?

Say “Round Table delivers” and I will come unglued on you Luddites.

I know you know what “food” is. I was pleasantly surprised to find some fairly decent Thai, Chinese and Sushi places around town, and you’ve got more healthy hippie crap than Orange County. Your Mexican food selection is pathetic, but that’s a battle for another day. Today, I just want to know how to get pad thai to my doorstep without having to leave the comfort of my chaise lounge.

I would happily pay a delivery charge-hell, I’d even tolerate a long wait time if it meant I didn’t have to put on pants, set down my Manhattan, drag my ass downtown, put out my cigarette, and talk to people. I shouldn’t have to talk to people to eat. It’s ridiculous. Deliver it in an old-timey horse and carriage if that makes it feel more “authentic” to the historical setting. Just hoof it over here somehow.

I mean it. This is unbelievable. Don’t you people like money? It’s like living on a god damned Amish Farm.