Nevada City, CA — Life isn’t all hoofs and galloping for area centaur Royce C. Bradley. The 138-year-old centaur, who’s mythic given name is Pholos Jr., has had trouble fitting in with the local social scene. And despite a warm and generous welcome at the Nevada County Horsemen’s lodge on Bubbling Wells Road, this mythical-creature-gone-hipster can’t seem to make friends.

“They’ve been real nice to me over at the Horsemen’s, but I gotta get out and sow my oats, if you know what I mean. There’s more to talk about that just horses.”


Over the past month, Mr. Bradley worked up the courage to go out on the town at night. But he struggled making new friends.

“I just don’t get it. Everywhere I go people look at me kinda weird. I mean, it’s hard enough to physically get into bars. I get that. But I just wish people were more receptive, ya know?”

Mr. Bradley first arrived in Nevada City two years ago from an undisclosed location. Since then, he’s can’t seem to get locals to accept him.

“At first I thought it was because I was a flatlander, but I’m pretty sure that’s not it. No one knows where I’m from. And it couldn’t possibly be that I’m half horse, because people love horses around here. I’m thinking it’s my sweaters and the fact that I have this tendency to crap indiscriminately where ever I go. But I dunno. No one will tell me.”

The Community Steps Up

Recently, the popular downtown Nevada City watering hole The Mine Shaft made special accommodations for centaurs. It was the nation’s first attempt to extend such a gesture to hybrid humans.

“In an effort to be inclusive of all creatures,” said a sign posted on the door of the Mine Shaft earlier this week, “The Mine Shaft has decided to allow centaurs and select minotaur into our establishment. Please be mindful of their presence and be on the lookout for piles of crap.”

When asked why all centaurs and only “select” minotaurs were allowed on the premises, The Mine Shaft management said, “well, minotaurs have a problem holding their drink. Look it up.”

After speaking with several local bar-hoppers, it seems that Mr. Bradley’s worries just might be in his head.

“We love that mofo,” said frequent Mine Shaft patron Irus McNutt who says she’s been coming to the famous saloon everyday for the last 20 years. “No one cares who or what you are here. He just needs to lighten-up and stop worrying about what people might be thinking. In here, everyone is drunk. They’re just thinking, ‘don’t fall over’ and ‘that bastard Doob owes me $14.00.”

As for Mr. Bradley, he’s not giving up, but he still feels discouraged.

“I went into the ‘Shaft last night, and people were creepily nice, if you know what I mean. Too nice. But that didn’t matter because I knocked over a few tables and I had to go anyway. I’m not giving up, but it’s really frustrating. Think about how hard it is for me to drive a car. Life’s not easy.”