Tallahassee, FL — Florida Governor Ron DeSantis, in a surprising twist, has finally found a use for drag queens in what many are calling his most outrageous policy proposal yet. DeSantis, notorious for his discriminatory policies against the LGBTQ+ community, has announced an innovative plan to deploy drag queens to stop school shootings across the Sunshine State.

During a press conference, DeSantis presented his plan, “Drag Queens for School Safety (DQSS),” insisting that these highly visible performers, with their colorful attire and powerful stage presence, could serve as a deterrent to would-be school shooters.

“Look, folks, I know I’ve said some things about the LGBTQ+ community in the past, but we can’t deny the potential of these fabulous individuals in saving our children,” said DeSantis, clearly not understanding the irony of his statement. “When a potential shooter sees a drag queen in all their glittery glory, they’ll think twice before pulling the trigger.”

The DQSS initiative, which has already garnered ridicule and backlash from both the LGBTQ+ community and the general public, is set to be launched this fall. DeSantis has even suggested that a drag queen reality show competition, dubbed “Florida’s Next Top Drag School Guardian,” be aired to find the most qualified performers.

While many have quickly pointed out that this policy is a thinly veiled attempt to distract from the governor’s history of bigoted legislation, DeSantis has insisted that his plan is simply a “creative” way to address a serious issue.

Critics argue that the DQSS initiative is a transparent attempt to use the LGBTQ+ community as a prop, further marginalizing them and ignoring the more pressing need for sensible gun control legislation.

“DeSantis’ proposal is offensive and dangerous,” said Taylor Johnson, an LGBTQ+ activist in Miami. “We need real solutions to end gun violence, not a reality show casting call for drag queens. This is an insult to our community and a distraction from the real issues.”

As the debate rages on, many wonder if DeSantis has finally crossed the line from controversial to absurd and whether this outrageous proposal is more than a misguided attempt to combat his bigoted legacy.