Grass Valley, CA — In the cozy, unsuspecting former mining town of Grass Valley, a local legend has undergone a curious transformation. Meet David Constipatious, formerly known as the Prius Menace, now self-proclaimed Tesla Genius. His story, filled with delusional grandeur and questionable driving skills, has become the talk of the town.

David’s journey from a notoriously clumsy Prius driver to an overconfident Tesla owner is a tale that baffles many. Once the cause of collective eye-rolling with his erratic driving in a battered Prius, David has now embraced the Tesla lifestyle with an overzealous conviction that his driving skills have drastically improved.

“I’ve always been ahead of the curve,” said David, maneuvering his shiny Tesla with the same haphazard enthusiasm that once made his Prius a rolling hazard. “This car doesn’t just make me look smarter; it makes me a better driver.”

Two of David’s longtime friends, Mike and Sarah, share their insights into David’s delusions.

“Let’s just say the only thing that’s changed is the car,” said Mike, recalling numerous near-misses in the Prius days. “David thinks the Tesla has magically improved his driving. But trust me, it’s like putting a new paint job on a rickety house. The problems are still there.”

Sarah agrees, “Yeah, he was terrible with the Prius and still terrible. But now, he’s terrible with an overconfident smirk. The car’s autopilot is the real hero here.”

Grass Valley has watched David’s transformation with a mix of amusement and disbelief. From his gas-guzzler days to his current electric emperor status, the consensus remains: David’s driving skills leave much to be desired, regardless of the vehicle.

As one local aptly says, “He went from a Prius pest to a Tesla terror. We just hope the car’s smart enough to save us from his driving.”

In the end, Grass Valley continues to watch, half in amusement, half in concern, half with terror, as their local legend navigates the streets in his new electric chariot, blissfully unaware of his unchanged driving prowess.