Waco, Texas — Rocker and avid hunter Ted Nugent, in a performance that would make Monty Python green with envy, took center stage at a recent Trump rally in Waco, Texas, to unveil his latest school defense plan. The 74-year-old musician seemed to be taking a leave of absence from reality, unveiling his plan to personally defend schools with nothing more than a bow and arrows, giving new meaning to “old man yells at bullets.”

His pledge, delivered with Nugent’s signature bravado, fired up the crowd of elderly fans who seemed to have momentarily forgotten the world outside the rally. “I’m the ultimate school guardian, folks! Give me my bow and arrows, and I’ll keep our children safe from all those bad hombres,” he roared.

The internet, never one to let a golden opportunity for mockery slip by, pounced on Nugent’s preposterous proposal. Memes exploded across social media, with one standout featuring Nugent as Legolas from The Lord of the Rings alongside the caption, “They may take our lives, but they’ll never take our AARP discounts!”

It wasn’t long before the satirical world joined in, announcing a new film inspired by Nugent’s plan, titled “The Hunger Games: Old Man Yells at Bullets.” The movie stars the aging rocker as a once-famed musician convinced that his archery skills could stop school shootings as he wages a one-man war against bullets with his ancient weaponry.

Despite being the target of widespread ridicule, Nugent remains unswayed, asserting that his archery prowess matches any would-be attacker.

“Let’s face it, nobody wants to mess with a rock ‘n’ roll legend who’s got a quiver full of arrows,” he said in a recent interview.

However, education and law enforcement experts have dismissed Nugent’s bow and arrow defense plan as impractical and dangerous.

Dr. Lila Richardson, a criminologist, commented, “While Mr. Nugent’s intentions may be noble, we need to address the root causes of gun violence and implement practical, evidence-based solutions.”

In the ongoing debate over gun control and school safety, Ted Nugent’s bow and arrow scheme is a stark reminder of the dire need for rational discourse on gun violence prevention. For now, fans of the guitar-slinging, arrow-flinging rocker can eagerly await his upcoming world tour, aptly named “The Final Stand: One Man, One Bow, and a Preposterous Plan.”