North San Juan, CA— Local man Skyy Wolford has gone viral after starting a conspiracy theory that, after further investigation, he has come to believe wholeheartedly—that he is, in fact, an alien sent to Earth to observe humanity.
What began as a half-joking post on a niche online forum has spiraled into a full-fledged personal mission for the 33-year-old North San Juan resident. Skyy, a self-described “seeker of truth” and part-time crystal shop cashier, has now dedicated himself to uncovering what he believes is a complex government cover-up involving his true extraterrestrial origins.
The Birth of a Theory
It all started innocently enough. Skyy, known locally for his colorful personality and habit of naming his pet chickens after famous philosophers, was passing the time on a slow day at work when he posted a tongue-in-cheek theory on an obscure UFO enthusiast forum. The theory? He said that he, Skyy Wolford, was secretly an alien observer placed on Earth as part of a covert extraterrestrial study.
“It was just a joke, man,” Skyy recalled, sipping a kombucha at his favorite organic café. “I thought it would be funny, you know? I even threw in some ridiculous details about how the government actually implanted my childhood memories and how my love for kale was a clue to my alien DNA.”
But what started as a joke quickly took a turn. The more Skyy thought about it, the more he began to notice oddities in his life—little details that he had previously overlooked but now seemed to point toward the truth of his own theory. His birth certificate, for instance, was a little too crisp, as if it had been printed just yesterday. His aversion to processed foods—clearly, this was an alien trait. And then there were his dreams, which he now believes are memories of his time aboard the mothership.
The Evidence Piles Up
Determined to prove the theory to himself (and the world), Skyy began digging into his own past, scrutinizing every mundane event for signs of extraterrestrial involvement. What he found—or, more accurately, what he convinced himself he found—only fueled his belief.
“There were so many things that just didn’t add up,” Skyy explained. “Like, why did I always get straight A’s in science class but struggle with basic arithmetic? Why do I have a scar on my arm that I can’t remember getting? And why am I so drawn to the stars at night? These are signs that I’m not from this planet.”
Skyy’s friends and family have watched with amusement and concern as he’s become increasingly obsessed with the idea that he’s an alien. His mother, Linda Wolford, expressed her bewilderment. “Skyy’s always been a bit eccentric, but this is something else. He’s always been imaginative, but now he’s talking about being an alien like it’s a fact.”
Despite the growing concern from his loved ones, Skyy’s conviction has only deepened. He now spends hours each day compiling “evidence” of his alien heritage, which he regularly shares on social media and various conspiracy theory websites. His posts, filled with detailed analysis of his life and photos of himself pointing to “alien” features, have gained a surprising amount of attention, garnering a small but devoted following online.
A Following Grows
To the shock of many, Skyy’s self-started conspiracy theory has begun to gain traction beyond North San Juan. His online followers, who refer to themselves as “Skyy-ologists,” have taken up his cause, sharing and expanding upon his theories. Some have even claimed to have experienced similar “awakenings,” insisting that they, too, are alien observers stranded on Earth.
“Skyy’s story really resonated with me,” said an anonymous follower in an online forum. “I’ve always felt different like I don’t belong here. His theory made me realize that maybe I’m not crazy—maybe I’m just from another planet, like him.”
Skyy’s newfound fame hasn’t gone unnoticed by local businesses, either. The North San Juan general store recently started selling “I’m with Skyy” T-shirts, and there are rumors that the town’s annual Harvest Festival may feature an “Alien Awakening” theme this year.
The Man Behind the Theory
When asked if he ever doubts the theory he created, Skyy paused, his gaze drifting upward to the sky. “You know, I started this as a joke,” he admitted. “But the more I dig, the more I believe it. I can’t explain it, but it feels… right. Like this was meant to be my truth.”
He then added, with a twinkle in his eye, “Besides, if I wasn’t an alien, how else do you explain my ability to grow the biggest zucchinis in town? That’s not just a green thumb—it’s otherworldly.”
As Skyy Wolford continues his quest to uncover the full extent of his supposed alien origins, one thing is clear: in a town as unique as North San Juan, anything is possible—even the biggest conspiracy theorist might be right about himself. Or at least, he’s convinced enough of it to keep the rest of us entertained.
