Nevada City, CA — A local woman has made elective surgery history. Carol Mist has successfully undergone surgery to insert a layer of tinfoil underneath her scalp. Ms. Mist would often be seen around the area wearing a hat made of tinfoil, and now she’s had the surgery to ease some of the ridicule she has received over the years.
Mist believes having the tinfoil insert will protect her from 5G, aliens, rogue cell phone towers, HAARP, Jehovah’s Witnesses, and government mind control via chemtrails.
Mist, who claims to have been abducted by aliens as a child, spoke to the Beacon about her surgery.
“Well, it hasn’t all gone exactly to plan,” said Mist. “When someone uses a microwave near me, I piss myself and forget who I’m for an hour. But I’m glad I did it.”
Mist’s woes did not stop there. She can no longer use a cell phone as the radiation caused the tinfoil to heat, catching her hair on fire. Fortunately, a man walking nearby saw her spontaneously combust and was able to douse the flames with his Starbucks frappuccino before Mist was severely injured.
Mist had to travel to Albuquerque to have the procedure done by Dr. Tim Armistice, a believer, and alien abduction survivor.
“I believe that this is the only way to protect yourself in today’s world properly,” said Dr. Armistice. “I already have four more clients lined up for this procedure, and I will make it on ‘Alex Jones Infowars’ if this keeps up!”
The process only takes two hours and costs as little as $300.