Nevada City, CA — In yet another milestone on her well-documented journey of radical self-exploration, Mitzy McConnell recently declared her latest “solo intimacy session” an unmitigated disaster. Sources close to McConnell—by which we mean her relentlessly updated Instagram feed—report that the alleged “failure” has left her in what can only be described as a mild existential spiral. Questions have arisen: Is she truly “aligned with her embodied feminine power”? And more importantly, does she need a new vision board?
“I don’t know what went wrong,” she admitted to a chorus of Insta-sympathizers after posting a heartfelt Story. “Mitzy was so ready, so willing to connect with herself on the deepest level, but she… well, she just couldn’t do it.” Yes, Mitzy—the one woman wellness show and aspirational goddess—had struck out on self-alignment, despite the careful arrangement of rose quartz on her nightstand and “right intentions” set like clockwork. In her words, “Mitzy, you just couldn’t go there.”
Taking self-critique to a new level, she broke out the third person to lament her “disconnect from the sacred inner goddess,” a shortcoming she attributes to “deep-seated societal negativity,” whatever that means this week. Friends who’ve caught on to Mitzy’s public flagellation say she’s “questioning herself” in circles, wondering if her inability to “ascend” is some tragic reflection of a “subconscious barrier.” And if you were wondering whether Mitzy’s spirit has an opinion on the matter, don’t worry—it “refuses to let her succeed,” she told her Facebook group, Sacred Sisterhood of the Sacredly Unashamed.
Projecting Criticism, Holding Herself Hostage
According to Mitzy’s ever-patient social circle, the current crisis has her stuck between wanting to be the liberated woman who’s “fully at ease with her body” and also fully, spectacularly furious that she can’t nail it down to her own standards. “Mitzy’s got to learn how to connect—really connect—if she’s going to unlock her higher self. She knows that, but why can’t she just do it?!” she fumed in yet another bout of dispassionate self-analysis, echoing the words of countless $199 wellness retreats.
Interestingly, while Mitzy berates herself online with ritualistic zeal, her frustration points outward too. Friends say she’s privately shared that her inability to reach transcendence might be due to “the world’s dissonant energies”—a vague villain that, for all we know, may or may not involve 5G towers and “big government.” She’s also taken a moment to hint that perhaps the very wellness industry itself has something to answer for. “There are just so many products,” she complained. “It’s like… overwhelming.” But rather than questioning the system, she seems to double down, berating herself with the kind of affirmations that only three-day yoga intensives provide.
“Not Political,” But Waging a Private War on Society’s Energy
Mitzy insists she’s above the whole “political thing,” though her Facebook says otherwise. Not that she’d ever admit it, but she’s got strong opinions about powerful figures and a strong distaste for “misdirected negativity” that certain critics aim at, let’s say, freedom-loving leaders. Her usual line is that she “embraces all sides,” though, suspiciously, not so much when someone has a go at the authorities she feels secretly aligned with—men who, as she says, are “misunderstood” but “speak for freedom.” All this from a woman who’s proud to declare herself “not political” yet spends 30 percent of her online time vaguely defending right-wing talking points in the name of “critical thinking.”
For now, Mitzy’s “self-alignment project” remains somewhere between an Instagram hashtag and a personal myth. She posted again recently, in what she called a “final reflection,” stating, “Maybe Mitzy just needs more time, or maybe she needs to cleanse her space again. It’s possible she’s simply not ready to let go. Who knows—maybe society isn’t ready for her either.”
