Grass Valley, CA — Two local Grass Valley men, Bob “Bassman” Wilson and Doug “Decibel” Smith, have officially unveiled the world’s largest subwoofer. The colossal creation, lovingly dubbed “Big Bertha,” now stands proudly (and audibly) in their suburban front yard.

“We wanted to make a statement,” said Wilson, leaning against the mammoth speaker that towers over their picket fences. “And by statement, we mean a sound that can be heard from Nevada City to Sacramento.”

The duo, known for their DIY approach to all things audio, spent the better two years crafting this behemoth. According to Smith, the subwoofer is powered by a repurposed engine from a retired Boeing 747 and an array of amplifiers that once powered the speakers at Woodstock. “We found them on Craigslist,” he added with a grin.

Specs that Will Blow Your Mind (and Ears)

For the audiophiles out there, here are the jaw-dropping specifications of “Big Bertha”:

  • Woofer Diameter: 20 feet (yes, feet, not inches)
  • Power Output: 1.21 gigawatts (perfect for time travel if needed)
  • Frequency Range: 0.0001 Hz to 2 Hz (subsonic enough to vibrate your soul)
  • Peak SPL: 200 dB (louder than a rocket launch, guaranteed to clear sinuses)
  • Magnet Weight: 3 tons (requires its own forklift)
  • Enclosure Volume: 1,000 cubic feet (big enough to host a small concert inside)
  • Cable Thickness: 10 inches (standard electrical cable won’t cut it)
  • Power Source: Modified Boeing 747 jet engine (turns kerosene into pure bass)
  • Amps: 100,000 watts RMS (literally all the watts)
  • Material: Reinforced steel and Kevlar (survives a direct hit from a wrecking ball)

As for its capabilities, “Big Bertha” can reportedly produce bass so deep it rearranges furniture. The first test run, held last Saturday, resulted in minor seismic activity and a noticeable uptick in local chiropractic visits. The duo insists that it was merely a “soft launch.”

Neighbor reactions have been mixed. “I haven’t had a good night’s sleep in a week,” complained Mrs. Thompson from three houses down. “But my cat seems to enjoy the constant vibration.” On the other hand, local teens have embraced the invention, often seen gathering in front of the Wilson-Smith residence, entranced by the pulsating rhythms that emanate from the yard.

The men have big plans for their oversized audio companion. Next month, they plan to host a “Bass Bash,” inviting local bands to plug into “Big Bertha” and potentially achieve sonic fame. They’ve even reached out to Guinness World Records, confident their creation will earn them a spot in history.

Wilson laughed when asked if they had any regrets, “Only that we didn’t build it sooner.” Smith nodded in agreement, adding, “And maybe a second one for stereo sound.”

Wilson laughed when asked if they had any regrets, “Only that we didn’t build it sooner.” Smith nodded in agreement, adding, “And maybe a second one for stereo sound.”

What’s Next for the Inventors?

Wilson and Smith are not resting on their laurels, having conquered the world of subwoofers. Here are their next audacious plans:

  1. The “Boom Box” on Wheels: Inspired by their success with “Big Bertha,” the duo is working on a mobile version of their mega-subwoofer. This will be a truck-mounted version, allowing them to bring bone-rattling bass to music festivals, parades, and, of course, impromptu neighborhood block parties.
  2. “Bass to Space” Project: In a truly out-of-this-world venture, Wilson and Smith collaborate with amateur rocket enthusiasts to create the first subwoofer designed to operate in space. The goal? See if bass can be felt in zero gravity and perhaps even make aliens groove.
  3. Community Outreach: Recognizing “Big Bertha” ‘s impact on their local community, the inventors plan to host educational workshops for aspiring young engineers and audiophiles. They hope to inspire the next generation of inventors with hands-on projects and demonstrations.
  4. Subsonic Science: Partnering with local universities, the duo is exploring the potential therapeutic effects of ultra-low frequencies. Early studies suggest that their bass technology could revolutionize treatments for various medical conditions, including stress relief and deep tissue massage.
  5. Silent Subwoofer: To please their noise-sensitive neighbors, Wilson and Smith are developing a “silent” subwoofer that uses advanced technology to create a tactile bass experience without producing any audible sound. This device is perfect for apartment living and covert bass enjoyment.

As the sun sets over Grass Valley, the thumping beats of “Big Bertha” continue to reverberate through the town, a testament to the power of ambition, innovation, and a love for all things loud.

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