Nevada County, CA — After two weeks of coping with another COVID-19 surge that has predictively exhausted the local hospital resources, Nevada County Health officials have announced a mitigation plan involving the opening of a new COVID Care Unit to address the flood of unvaccinated COVID patients that have filled all available beds within a 50-mile radius.

With staff stretched far beyond capacity and a consistent shortage of beds, medical front line workers have been scrambling to accommodate both the unvaccinated COVID patients along with the occasional breakthrough cases requiring medical attention while still attending to all the other illnesses and injuries suffered by patients without COVID. As a result, the vaccinated community has lost patience with their hesitant neighbors, and growing resentment is brewing outright hostility.

Anna Raglin, a hospital spokesperson, was questioned about the likelihood of refused treatment becoming policy.

“People are suggesting that we refuse treatment to the unvaccinated since they brought this on themselves. We can’t do that. It’s unethical–I mean if we stopped treating everyone that was in here because they did something stupid? We’d be out of a job. We do understand the frustration, but letting people die because they’re dumb is both morally questionable and a bad business model.”

An anonymous nurse from the hospital wasn’t so sure.

“So they’re out there calling us liars, making stuff up, not listening to a word we say, and then they come in, and they want us to not only take care of them, they want us to take care of them the way they think THEY should be treated-they are suddenly all medical experts because they put in two hours at the YouTube University. We’re getting burnt out. I swear, if one more redneck-in-an-American-flag T-shirt swings at me because I won’t give him horse pills, I might come unglued and put a pillow over his face. That’s a lower level of care than we like to provide for our community.”

The Solution

But just as things started to seem dire, relief came from an unlikely source: the owner of the long-abandoned former Nevada City Hospital, currently known as the HEW building.

Edvard Strayer purchased the building over a decade ago after it was closed due to a tragic shooting on campus. Hoping to reopen it as some housing development, Mr. Strayer was disappointed to learn that the site had an overwhelming amount of hazardous material, including high levels of asbestos.

“For years, I’ve been trying to get the county to agree to go in on this project with me and clean this place up so we can use it. But no dice. Then I read in the paper about this whole hospital bed shortage thing, and I thought, well, why can’t they use my hospital for all the sick people because they didn’t take the vaccine? It wouldn’t have to be up to code, necessarily. It wouldn’t be like an official hospital. They don’t trust the medical system or doctors anyway, right? So I figure it can be self-operated, you know, the patients who aren’t critical or have already been sick and have natural immunity can tend to those in bad shape. That frees up the hospital and staff, and the no-vaxxers get the type of treatments they want. And finally, this albatross around my neck has some decent purpose. I think it benefits everyone.”

A No-Brainer Solution for Some

While the county was a hard sell due to liability issues, it was a no-brainer for Colleen Bennett, anti-vax advocate and the founder of Don’t Be Jabbin’ Me, part of the Nevada County’s COVID Denier Coalition.

In a recent interview addressing the proposal, she was quoted as saying, “this is exactly the proactive and democratic solution we need in this county. COVID is a scam. It doesn’t exist. But if you catch it, there’s no reason to allow the supporters of tyranny to finish you off in their hospitals. We can take care of each other, that’s how it was always done in the before times, and it’s how it should be done now.”

Bennett scoffed when questioned on the strategy for receiving lifesaving medication and treatments without the luxury of medical personnel.

“Oh, don’t you worry about us. We are more resourceful than you could ever imagine. We have professionals on our team. We have more than enough podiatrists and dental hygienists that aren’t willing to lie for the plandemic puppet masters that can source TRUE treatments unavailable to the public. We have veterinarians on hand ready to start doling out the ivermectin, and we have at least two license-liberated General practitioners with decades of service under their belts who volunteered to act as consultants. So don’t worry about us. Instead, worry about what you’re going to do with your precious time between now and when the Jab kicks in, and you become a foot soldier for Fauci’s army of walking dead.”

Liability Issues?

With the question of liability still hanging in the balance, the board of supervisors consulted their legal advisers and insurance providers, who said that they unequivocally would refuse coverage on every front. However, the solution was surprisingly simple. To be admitted, all patients had to do was sign a waiver accepting the responsibility for any deaths or other incurred consequences for their choice to be admitted.

“We’re not overly fond nor very familiar with that term, consequences. Sounds like media jargon to me. But whatever it is, we’re in. We will sign,” said Bennett.

When asked if she had any concerns regarding the hazardous waste issue plaguing the HEW building site, she made a snorting sound and rolled her eyes.

Some of us have chosen to live a healthy lifestyle. We have something you might’ve heard of. It’s called AN IMMUNE SYSTEM? Those of us who have been smart enough to be eating organic food, taking vitamins, going on long walks, and getting plenty of sunshine to have all the confidence in the world that our immune systems will repay us by protecting us from any made-up virus, much less this mysterious deadly dust you’re so worried about. Nothing a little spring cleaning with some elbow grease can’t fix. How about you hand it over to the hospital and then keep your vaccinated virus-shedding-asses out of our business. Do your research.”

While investigating this story, we encountered a FEMA representative dropping off a portable refrigerated trailer in the parking lot. When we inquired, the rep said ”
Oh, this? Yeah, this is a refrigeration truck. We’ve had it over at one of the local mortuaries this whole time, but we figured they’d probably like that corner of their parking lot back, and it just seems more practical to keep it here.”

The new COVID ward is scheduled to open its doors at the beginning of next week. There will be a ribbon-cutting ceremony. The entire community is invited to attend.