Elon Musk Files $150M Lawsuit Against Nevada City Teen for Calling X ‘Twitter’

Loretta Spitair reporting from Nevada City

In today’s episode of “Billionaires Behaving Badly,” Elon Musk, the once-respected-now-perpetually-grumpy overlord of social media’s dumpster fire, “X,” has decided to turn his laser sights on a 15-year-old Nevada Union freshman named Eli Bennett, known online as @GamerVoid666.

Eli’s crime? Publicly committing the unforgivable sin of calling X by its actual name, Twitter. And for this heinous offense, Musk demands $150 million. $150 million. That’s about the price of two bags of kale at the Briar Patch or roughly the annual kombucha budget of Nevada City.

Eli’s tweet, the one that allegedly brought a billionaire to his knees, read:

“I tried to post a meme on Twitter today but forgot it’s now ‘X.’ Is Elon just messing with us, or is it still Twitter? Whatever, tweeting this anyway. #confused”

You can practically hear the stock market collapsing as Eli hits send.

Grass Valley Defends Elon, Ignores Reality 

Now, I know what you’re thinking: Why would Musk, who has a full-time gig crashing rockets, tanking stocks, and naming his children after chemical compounds, suddenly turn his precious attention to a Nevada City teenager? Well, local whispers (and by whispers, I mean common sense) suggest that Musk, currently floating in a haze of ketamine, ego, and paranoia, wants to “make an example” out of young Eli. It’s billionaire shorthand for “Be afraid, peasants, or this could be you!”

But let’s talk about reactions for a moment, shall we? Because nothing spells drama like Nevada County caught in the vortex of Elon Musk’s ego. Grass Valley residents, always ready to defend anything that claims to lower gas prices or looks good in a red hat, rushed to defend Musk. One Grass Valley resident, sipping ranch dressing from a travel mug, declared, “This kid needs to respect Elon. He’s changing the world and already lowered gas prices. What’s this kid ever done besides disrespect greatness?”

Another Rhode Island Street resident chimed in, claiming, without any evidence, that “his parents are probably communists. Without Elon and Trump, eggs would cost $100, and the Constitution would already be burned!”

Thank you, Grass Valley. Insightful as always.

Nevada City Plans Street Festival to Annoy Elon (And Grass Valley)

Meanwhile, Eli and his parents—who are exactly as bothered by Musk’s tantrum as they are by gluten—refuse to apologize. Eli’s mom summed it up: “Honestly, we thought Elon was joking. Suing a freshman for calling X ‘Twitter’? We’re busy living life. This whole thing is too stupid to dignify.”

It’s not often I side with a high schooler, but here we are. This lawsuit is the kind of ridiculous power trip that billionaires with fragile egos love to indulge in. It’s abuse of the legal system, bullying by proxy, and let’s call it what it really is—proof that money doesn’t buy common sense or a sense of humor.

Meanwhile, Nevada City has responded exactly as you’d expect: with bemused defiance and a street festival, because that’s apparently our love language. Plans are underway for “Tweetstock 2024,” a celebration dedicated entirely to “things Elon hates,” such as free speech, teenagers, and objective reality.

Attendees can expect an array of gluten-loaded monstrosities guaranteed to horrify any Bay Area tech bro—think “Deep-Fried Gluten Balls,” “Gluten Sliders (hold the beef),” and “Artisanal Gluten-on-Gluten Bagels.” Anti-chemtrail activists will host booths explaining how contrails are secretly Musk’s mind-control mist, while “vaccine alternative” vendors will peddle essential oils, healing vibrations, and kombucha colonics priced at a totally reasonable $47.99. Because if there’s one thing Nevada City loves more than standing up to billionaires, it’s selling questionable remedies to people who believe crystals can cure capitalism.

As for Eli, I hope he takes comfort in knowing he now ranks alongside climate scientists, critical thinkers, and anyone who still uses their brain as a person Elon Musk irrationally despises.

But look on the bright side, Eli—you’re already smarter than half of Grass Valley.