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    Frank Zappa’s Ghost Confesses: “I Control Reality, and I’m Just Getting Started!”

    Legendary rock musician Frank Zappa has apparently taken control of our reality from beyond the grave. In a bizarre and exclusive interview with the late artist, Zappa reveals that he is responsible for the chaos in today's world, including climate change, shifting geopolitical power structures, and even the popularity of fast-food chain Chick-fil-A.

    Existentialists Booted from Ross Clothing Store for Smoking

    French Existentialists were removed from a Ross Dress for Less clothing store after ignoring numerous requests to stop smoking.

    The BriarPatch’s In-store Harmonica Contest Extended for 2 Weeks

    Grass Valley's BriarPatch has extended its in-store harmonica contest for an additional 2 weeks.

    Thin Lizzy Fails to Energize Elderly Save Mart Shoppers

    Kmart's experiment didn't turn out well either.

    Locals: Who Do I Have to Blow to Get A Meal Delivered in this Town?

    I would happily pay a delivery charge-hell, I'd even tolerate a long wait time if it meant I didn't have to put on pants, set down my Manhattan, drag my ass downtown, put out my cigarette, and talk to people. I shouldn't have to talk to people to eat.

    Bill Cosby’s Double-Headed Doppelganger Dumbfounds Grass Valley Dwellers

    Hey, hey, hey! Grass Valley, CA, is a-buzz with curiosity as a peculiar Bill Cosby statue has taken up residence in the local children's playground at Condon Park. This life-sized granite creation features not one, but two of ol' Cosby's heads, squished together, keepin' an eye on the swingin' youngsters.

    Substitute Teacher Fired for Showing Blazing Saddles to a 10th Grade Algebra Class

    Local substitute teacher heroically battles the tyranny of algebra by screening 'Blazing Saddles' to bewildered teens, gets axed, and becomes a martyr in the war against wokeness. Plans to mathematically calculate the erosion of free speech in upcoming book: 'Algebra of Oppression.'

    Charter School Students Stuck in Tulsa, OK Following Awful Chartered Flight Pun

    "Dad said this was a real shithole place. Can I say that? Anyhow, I really like it here." said YRCS 8th grader Essence Dominics.

    Area Guinea Pig Unimpressed With Leftover Short Rib

    A Nevada City guinea pig seemed uninterested in a "short rib treat" left by its 12 year old owner.

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