Grass Valley, CA — Reynaldo M. Rodriguez’s printer has stopped working correctly. Mr. Rodriguez prints “every god-damned email” he gets because he’s afraid he’ll lose it.

“I print every email because I’m not sure what happens to it after I read it,” an exasperated Mr. Rodriguez said in a phone interview with Gish Gallop. “My daughter from Los Gatos sends me an email every day, so I print them.”

This past Friday, tragedy struck the Rodriguez household when Mr. Rodriguez’s HP-CP1045, with 106B ink cartridges he bought from Costco, would not stop printing. Nobody is certain what caused the printer error, but there are family suspicions that Mr. Rodriguez tampered with the advanced printer settings before the incident.

“Oh shit,” lamented Mr. Rodriguez, “now I’m gonna have to talk to James, my asshole son-in-law. He’s really condescending and impatient with me when it comes to computers.”